After the honeymoon and a couple good post-marital arguments, it seems everything goes kinda…stale. In fact, that seems to be one of the biggest questions that long-time married couples have: How do we keep the spice in our marriage?
With my own marriage, I’m beginning to notice this trend. Despite only being married for two years, there’s a certain pattern evolving. A pattern that seems typical of most marriages: I do my thing, she does hers, we talk about it later on and when we’re together we tend to ask each other the question “What do you want to do today?”. That’s our daily routine. For something a little more long-term, about every week we order out, every month we have a cuddle night, and every other month it seems we have an argument that tests the bonds of our marriage. That’s our marriage in a nutshell, and while it may seem perfectly fine on the outside, it does make it hard to say….write the next exciting blog about it! I wonder if my scenario is typical or like most diets, marriage should have a warning of “Results May Vary” somewhere.
Well if you’re like me then I may have just come up with a solution…well, more of an experiment since I’ll actually be testing this. It’s still a routine, but I figure the more general the better.
So for the day to day things, try to do one of the following:
- Text your spouse~A joke, or a poem, or send them a random picture that you just took. The joke doesn’t have to be hilarious, and the poem doesn’t have to be luvy-duvy, the point is to remind them that they’re on your mind.
- Words with Friends! ~This game is insanely addicting and the nice thing is that a single game can be played over the course of 10 days! It’s basically Scrabble but for a smartphone. The app is downloaded through either the Android Market or the Apple App Store, both versions are free and if you don’t have a smartphone it can be played on your computer as well!
- Clean Something! ~I know, I know, I’m reaching! Even though this may not/is not as fun as the first two, this one holds the largest benefit. Cleaning has been proven to lower stress and is one of the most appreciative gestures that can be done. I’m not asking that you clean the entire house or apartment but let’s face it, who doesn’t wish someone would pick up our mess!
- Cook for them~ Most households have a designated chef, someone who is expected to cook. In our society it’s usually the woman, but sometimes the guys do it. Either way, make it a weekly tradition that whoever usually cooks gets to relax on a specific day and the other person fills in. Skip ordering out…for now.
- Did someone say Massage?~ We all know how great it feels to get an amazing massage, the chemical releases our body goes through often times lead to sex, and a better outlook on life (usually in that order!). Be careful with this one though, there’s nothing worse than premeditated arousal. If you’re going to do this then make it special and keep it a secret until the last moment 😉
- Go over your Budget!~I did it again…didn’t I? Well, again, while not the most entertaining way to spend a night with your spouse, good budgeting can open the doors to future opportunities and avoid any future bumps in the road. I admit, it doesn’t compare to a massage, but when most marriage arguments are about money in some form, this one was a must have.
Once a Month:
- Order out~Instead of doing it every week, which can get expensive and time-consuming, try taking it up to once a month. Limiting to once a month helps to make it a special occasion instead of a “just-something-we-do”. In addition the long-term effects are more money and better health–who can argue with that?
- Go on a Trip!~Now this one requires the most thought. I don’t mean a trip across the country or anywhere too far–with gas the way it is who can afford it! I’m asking that you find somewhere in your city, that you haven’t been before: A batting cage, a skating rink, mini-golf, anywhere. Try to keep it fresh, going to the movies is great but finding a great sunset location is even better!
- Just Talk~ I’m talking no TV, no music, no noise, lights dim and candles optional! Ask each other fundamental questions like “Am I doing a good job?” “Why do you love me?” “Are you happy?”and “What can I do better?” Remember, this is a time to talk and appreciate each other…not argue! Cuddle up with your spouse and keep the conversation to a whisper.
And finally, Every Other Month:
- Whatever you want!~Anything is better than arguing!
Will you still have trials and tribulations? Hopefully, because that’s how you grow and discover just how strong your marriage is. I hope this “routine” helps out. Remember I said it’s an experiment, so be sure to follow me on twitter as I post my progress, and be sure to let me know if this is helping keep the spice in your marriage and the “blah” out of blogging!
Until next time,