We had a fight. It’s over now, so I can blog about it! I promised my wife I would never blog about our relationship while I was upset–rules and boundaries folks, rules and boundaries! Continue reading
Preface: To my adoring wife, please know that just by me writing this is it an admission of guilt! I have never cheated on you and have no intentions to start.
~Your adoring husband
Now, depending on who you talk to (male or female), you may get two different answers. Rather, the same answer but phrased two different ways! But before we get that far, let’s set the stage: What is cheating? Is it just sex? If it is, does that mean I can kiss any woman’s neck? Ok, so it’s obviously more than sex, but what are the boundaries? As men, we shouldn’t feel guilty for merely having a conversation with a woman, unless that conversation has somatic intentions! WolframAlpha defines cheating as “violating accepted standards or rules”. Guys, I already know what you’re thinking: Loophole! I can see it now, “Well baby, I never knew that was a rule!”. Needless to say, I don’t care for that definition, and in fact, I don’t care for much of the others that I’ve come across. They’re all too…vague. Cheating is a big topic, you would think there would be some clarification as to what it is! Men are….. stupid, there, I said it! As a man, I know that I have smart moments, but when sided next to my wife I don’t stand a chance.
The definition I made up, and like to use is: “having an internal desire to please another person and acting on it in hopes that-the desire may be perceived, contrary to what a partner of relation may like”. I think it clears things up a lot if we use that definition. Broken down it’s basically: I must have feelings, I have to do something to show that person I have feelings for them, and it’s all despite what my partner would otherwise say.
OK, now that we have that cleared up: Why do Men Cheat?
So to the men, reading this, remember: If a player is stuck in a game he doesn’t want to play–for whatever reason, he’s going to change the rules. Plain and simple. I can hear all the men right now “ahhhhhhh….that makes sense!”
Ladies, if you didn’t get it, listen up: If your husband is stuck in a marriage he doesn’t want to be in–but can’t get out of, he’s gonna cheat…all day everyday, whether you know it or not.
I don’t know who coined it, but it’s the “80/20 rule”. They say in Marriage, you’re only going to get at most 80% or what you need/want. The problem then becomes that men go searching for that 20% while not realizing what they may lose. So women, I know you like to use sex as a way to make sure your husband behaves, but please remember: If he can’t get the sex he wants, he knows 10 other woman he can have sex with…and chances are he already has their phone number!
Cheating with another woman is HUGE, but it’s not the only thing. Porn is a big one. I watch porn. Everyone reading this blog has seen porn at least once. How do I know–because you’re on the internet! But porn, can be a form of cheating. I’ll give two examples to clear this up. The first one is obvious, using my own definition: I desire the person I’m looking at, I’m doing an action so that they can perceive it, and my significant other wouldn’t like me doing it—BOOM, cheating. But like I said before, I watch porn, but I’m not a cheater. In my circumstance it’s a little different. My sex drive, like many other men, is a lot higher than my wife’s. Since we’ve had our daughter she’s gone through the stages of recuperating, breastfeeding and now working again but the sex drive isn’t there anymore. So I talked to my wife (hint,hint) explaining that my needs weren’t getting met, I was contemplating cheating, but remembered the 80/20 rule and turned to porn. My wife knows I watch porn. Call it a weakness, but I’m not perfect. I don’t let it get in the way of my family/daily life. My wife understands that she can’t meet my needs–heck we have to fall short somewhere and so she permits me to do so. With her, she doesn’t want to see it, hear it, or anything. Out of site, out of mind. Thus, going back to my definition: I have the feeling, and I act on it, but it is not contrary to what my wife would say. Does she prefer it? She loathes the idea, but she and I know it’s better than the alternative since she’s not able to fill that void.
So why do guys cheat? Because we’re stupid. Sorry guys, I tried to sugar-coat it but that’s all I came up with. If you feel the need guys, just talk to your wife. I know it sounds scary, but not as scary as finding out you finally found someone who likes to have sex as much as you do, but they don’t cook, or clean and the only trick they do is juggle all of your credit cards!
So what do you guys think? Have you ever been cheated on/done the cheating? Feel free to leave a comment down below talking about what you think caused it!